23 March 2009

~NONE~

Hari ni..
mood mmg of course agak tak baik 50 - 50...
ntahla apa yg difikirkan sgt dlm kepala ni...
perasaan pun bercampur baur...

hmm... aku tak jahat dan tak kejam..
cuma kadang2 tu mmg terasa macam tu...

Aku rasa apa yang aku dah buat.. dah betul.
tapi pada masa yg sama aku rasa tak patut langsung...

Gosh, i really really love this guy. But i dont think he felt as what i felt.
I thought i was waiting for him. But he act like he want me to stop.
I can accept him the way he is.. and i want him to notice that.
I try to get near and close to him. but i'm not so that important at this moment.
I dont care how bad he is.. or what others perception on him..
this is just because i really love him too much.

I dont mean to cancel the "complicated" relationship between us.
It just hurt me when i heard the main word "NO" and the status was hide by him.
It's like annoying him i guess. so i changed it, thinking that he might be relieve after that,
and shout "Finally.. she undertand!"
I really care about this matter and i felt like i was being such a 'gedik' so 'perasan' sometimes.
when the actual situation is he really hates me.
I'm so.... slow to notice about that. I'm so sorry.
Maybe i was so blind that i will never lose him again this time.

I dont want to force him to love me.
Just makes it naturally comes from his heart.

I might not good, kind and pretty enough as his other girl friend's. I'm not that lucky.
and he deserve a better one than me.
I admit i feel so jelouse on him sometimes with his fun lifestyle.
I also even felt like he will be in my future.. ( see how 'perasan' i am )
but not to him.
I still keep his sweet nice msg's that he sent me long time ago in my phone.
Never care whether its just a lie or its really true.. i still keep it safe with me.

I cant read him. and i wish i could.
I wish i could turn back time,
I wont go to Sunway Pyramid on that day.
I wont use Maxis.
and
I wont having dinner at 'Opah' with my friend's.

or it's much better when I can be on the day, when it was the first time I met him.

If you read this, as if you still visit my blog.
this is what only i can write. I hope there is no words i wrote up there makes u feel unsatisfied.
It just come from the bottom of my heart.
I try to talk and ask u straight before, but i'm not that brave enough.
I'm not strong enough to know the truth. which is I SHOULD KNOW.
And now, u dont want to talk to N, H, A and I anymore. If i do, yeah i'm so dead !
-I guess i've done something wrong to him, just i'm not sure, what is it?-
So, I can only choose this way to let him know.. and i'm not hoping for anything.



bb.
N . H . A . I.


5 comments:

rizz said...

ikut kata hati ya aira...

joegrimjow said...

gosh
ur writing this time really make me wanna cry
-tekenang kisah lama-
im not closed enough to give my advice, but as a blog n facebook fren, realy wanna tel u this.
sometime we feel too much pressure, stress etc when we dont got what we want. tambh2 lagi hal jiwa2 ni. lagi la....
but trust me, time is the best healer n biarkan masa yg tentukan. mmg hal hati susah nak lupe, n sbenarnye ade gud point yg kita xnampak. tyme ni la tanye allah. mintak petunjuk. mintak allah bg yg terbek. klu btol mmg jodoh, mintak kekalkan, if not, nak buat camne.

cakap dasar pengalaman.

smoge eppy slalu

Rui said...

sweet! ;) baik kamu berharap he reads this entry.. confirm 100% can get him to think again.. :)

y2j said...

Sometimes u hav to stop loving the most important person in ur life.. not bcoz the spark is gone, but becoz that person is unintentionally making u feel worthless.. Its hard to accept but in the end that the only way to make him realised.. So whatever u do, believe in wat u do....

y2j said...

Sometimes u hav to stop loving the most important person in ur life.. not bcoz the spark is gone, but becoz that person is unintentionally making u feel worthless.. Its hard to accept but in the end that the only way to make him realised.. So whatever u do, believe in wat u do....

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